Z the Homicidal Maniac
by Frodo B
Summary: This is my attempt at a spinoff of JtHM! Details inside, please dun kill me with flames...
1. Z!

A/N: This is a spin-off of Jhonen Vasquez's "Johnny The Homicidal Maniac"  
  
THIS IS NOT FOR LITTLE KIDDIES! MOM AND DAD, TURN OFF THE COMPUTER AND RUN SCREAMING, DO NOT CONTINUE READING!!! OKay, don't say I didn't warn ya..  
  
Disclaimer: AIE! Why?!? Ok, The allmighty Jhonen own the actual JtHM, I just own ZtHM,you know the rest, and erm, Z?  
  
  
  
Somewhere, on the outskirts of town, lies an old rickety shack, a shack that seems to be abandoned, but is actually inhabited by a girl, 21 yrs. of age, and her two cats. But there is something different about this girl and her house and cats.....something...evil.......  
  
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"Screeeeeeeeech!" Z's doorbell rang. "Doesn't it clearly say DON'T ring me?" Z pushed her dirty brown hair out of her eyes a dragged herself to the door. She had barely opened the door, when a large machine was pushed into her face "HI! I'm Mark, You know what you need?" "You to go away" "Ha ha, that's funny, no what you need is the new Whip-O-Matic! It slices, dices, and finely chops up almost anything! Including ice!""So can my knife, SCRAM!" "Mind if I come in?" Without waiting for a reply, he pushed his way past Z and walked into her living room. Z glared evilly at Mark, who didn't seem to notice. He placed the Whip-O-matic on a table and extracted an onion from his briefcase. "And, you can slice onions without tears!" He then demonstrated the process, while Z grabbed a dagger, and crept up to him. Mark spotted her, and snatched the dagger. "You won't need this anymore, once you have purchased the Whip-O-Matic for only 39.95! What will be your method of payment?" Z's eyes narrowed. She turned and walked off, returning shortly holding something behind her back. Mark never saw it coming. Z lodged the crowbar into the back of his head. The blood poured down his back as his body slumped to the ground, crowbar still protruding from his skull. "Damn door to door morons, they should learn the meaning of go away."  
  
  
  
"BRAINFREEZY!!!" Z shrieked, clutching a five dollar bill. "Brainfreezy of cherry dooom!" She shot towards the living room. Then, 'They' appeared. Z stopped dead and frowned down at the two figures.They were Luna and Celest, the two psycho cats. Both were pure black, Celest having violet eyes, Luna's lime green. "Where do you think you're going?" Celest asked. Z waved the five back and forth "Brainfreezy" "You're not gonna clean up your mess?" Luna's tail twitched toward Mark. "Awww, I'll do it when I get back." Z darted past the two and out the door.  
  
Z slurped her brainfreezy and walked down the road. Unfortunatly, a nearby prep saw her, and decided to pester her. "Hey freak girl," Z continued to enjoy her brainfreezy. The prep caught up with her, "Haven't you ever heard of a hairbrush?" Z ignored the irritating prep. "Don't you know wearling all black is SO last season? And those tacky boots, ugh, those went out last year." Z spotted a large shard of glass on the ground, and wordlessly picked it up. "You need to get more sun, or at least put on some makeup, pale skin is so ugly" "OH WILL YOU SHUT THE HELL UP?!? DO YOU BITCH AT EVERYONE YOU SEE?!?" "What are you gonna do, STAB me with that glass? You wouldn't kill me..." Z smiled evilly, then proceeded to stab the prep. After 3 minutes, she looked down at the bloody corpse, and said "See, I killed you."  
  
Z walked into her house. "Clean up the body, and the wall needs a new coat of paint." Celest jumped onto Z's shoulder. "Oh alright" Z dragged Mark down to the basement, and slammed the door shut.  
  
"Wake up, don't you know sleep is bad for you?" Z groggily opened er eyes to see Luna's in her face. She had obviously fallen asleep after 'painting'. Z rolled off the couch, hitting her head on the floor. "Ow, thirsty....FIZZ WHIZZ!" Z ran into the kitchen. Celest looked at the doorway "3..2..1" "AAAAAAAAH!!"  
  
Z suddenly appeared in the doorway "No. More. Cherry. Fizzy. Whizz. AAAAAH!" Calm down, just go buy more" "Going to buy more would mean I would have to go out, going out would mean I would be around those...those..evil...things..." "Well, kill them" "That's your answer to everything...kill it.." "Well, what else are you going to do?" "Awww, okay" Z grabbed her trenchcoat, walked out the door, once again.  
  
Z rushed inside the 24/7. "fizzwhizzfizzwhizzfizzwhizz" she chanted, running to the back of the store. she gasped when she came to the row for cherry fizz whizz, "ALL OUT?!? NOOOOO!" Z dashed to the clerk, "WHERE ARE ALL THE CHERRY FIZZ WHIZZES?!?" "We sold out earlier, there is more in the back, but I'm waiting till my shift's over, and let the other guy stock it" "YOU LAZY SON OF A BITCH! DID YOU EVER ONCE THINK OF THE FREAKING CUSTOMER!!??" Z jumped across the counter, her eyes narrowed at the clerk, "I NEED FIZZ WHIZZ AND I NEED IT NOW DAMNIT! I'LL KILL YOU IF I HAVE TO!" "But, the security cameras, they'll see you, and besides, I have a gun" "No actually, I have it" Z held the gun up, "Really stupid place to hide it, under the counter" "How did you do that?" "I have my ways, and also, the cameras" Z pointed the gun at the camera and fired, completely destroying it, "Besides, I never get caught, not even if I tried, but lets not get into THAT..." "Let's not get violent now, I'll just..go...get you a fizz whizz from the back , and you can have it for free...ok?" "NO! YOU DIDN'T THINK OF THE CUSTOMER BEFORE! WHAT IF A NONVIOLENT PERSON CAME INTO HERE?! YOU WOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN UP OFF YOUR LAZY ASS TO HELP THEM WOULD YOU?!? IT'S JUST NOT RIGHT! YOU NEED TO BE TAUGHT A LESSON!" "PLEASE DON'T SHOOT ME!!!" "Oh, I won't SHOOT you.." Z dropped the gun and extracted her dagger from inside her trench coat pocket. "Oh god...." Z dismembered the clerk, "Now, next time, maybe you'll think of the customer, OH YEAH! MY FIZZ WHIZZ!" Z ran to the back room, grabbed a fizz whizz, and tossed the mony on the counter on her way out.  
  
END 


	2. Of Doom and Brainfreezies

A/N: OH THE HORRIBLE WRITER'S BLOCK! My brain imploded alot since the first chapter, but I may now have an idea! WHOO I DOOOOOO! READ!  
  
Z stood in front of a 24/7 holding a half eaten candy bar and slurping a Cherry Doom brainfreezy. "Another horrible day made gooood, for a while" Z looked at the city scene stretched before her, "Evil birds singing, evil sun shining, some guy with a wooden stake chasing Count Cocoa Fang" A car sped by, running through a puddle of mud, flinging some on her, "SOME IDIOT JUST BEGGING TO FACE MY WRATH!!"  
  
She finished up her munchies, and started walking in a random direction. Z walked in front of a bar, just as the door opened, smashing into her face. A drunk guy came out, staggering and laughing, "Hey babe, sorry 'bout that, didn't see'ya there" Z's right eye twitched. "How 'bout I buy you a drink babe, we can get to know each other better" "You pig!" Z punched the guy in the stomache, then kicked his head, knocking him unconscious, grabbed him by the shirt collar, and dragged him towards her home.  
  
'Unsolved Mysteries', was just ending, when Z heard shrieks of terror coming from the basement, "WHERE THE HELL AM I? DAMNIT! SOMEONE GET ME OUTTA HERE! OH SHIT!" Z grinned psychotically, then walked down the stairs to the screaming man. "What's the point in all this screaming, no one's listening anyway""You're insane" Z calmly untied the guy, and chained him to a wall  
  
YOU'RE A FREAK! WHAT DID I DO TO YOU?!?" "Last night, I was minding my own business, walking along, when you opened the door of the bar, hitting me in the face, then, you called me babe, and I don't like you very much, so hold still" Z laid several daggers on a table, picked one up, and twirled it a bit. The man began screaming again, "YOU BITCH!" Z's psychotic grin grew wider, her dark eyes flashed.. The song of several arrows was heard, followed by the sound of steel puncturing flesh, a final scream of pain, then silence.  
  
Z flipped through a book. "I love ghost stories-OUCH! I guess ghost stories don't love me. Heh." She looked down at her finger. "Papercut....I need ADHESIVE MEDICAL STRIPS! Er. a band aid...."  
  
She searched through her medicine cabinet, "Damnit, no ADHESIVE MEDICAL STRIPS...meep, that means, I gotta go buy some..." Z grabbed her trench coat, shuddered, and walked out into the dark night.  
  
Z walked into a store, picked up the box of Band-aids, and then went to the counter. A woman sat behind the counter, talking on the phone and reading a newspaper. "Excuse me, hey you, HEY MORON BEHIND THE COUNTER!!" The woman frowned at Z, "I'll call you back" She hung up the phone, and frowned deeper, "What the hell do you want?" Z's right eyed twitched, "To buy this" Z handed the woman the band-aids. "You know girlie, you interuppted a very important phone call." "You know, I don't give a shit" The woman glared at Z. "Two fifty" Z handed her the money, grabbed her box, and turned to leave, debating on whether or not she should kill the woman. "And please, don't come back you wierdo" Z froze, "What did you call me?" "A wierdo" "WHAT KIND OF WORD IS THAT!? HOW DARE YOU CALL ME A WIERDO!?!" Z pulled a dagger out of her pocket, "I'M GONNA TEACH YOU A LESSON ABOUT CALLING PEOPLE NAMES THAT YOU'LL NEVER FORGET! OR LIVE THROUGH!" Z decapitated the woman, then smiled, "I am a good teacher no?" Z stuffed her dagger and the band aids into her trench coat pocket, and ran out.  
  
A/N: I know, shortness, anycrap, REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!! 


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